October 21, 2010

A Love Test

For those of you that do not know, I am currently entering into my fourth year of Bachelor of Social Work studies. This is my passion. This semester I took a more advanced course on communication and embarked on a social work counselling, theories and skills course. I absolutely love it. Today we learned about couple and relationship counselling. This topic is very interesting to me, for obvious reasons in that I am married to a great guy. Please note I am no expert in couple counselling.
I am also not saying my relationship is perfect, but that can be said for all relationships. Couples are so unique and it’s a life long learning process. I am excited for today and for the rest of eternity to strengthen my marriage. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ. It allows me to constantly be reminded of the eternal plan of salvation. I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. This is something that Joshua and I strongly believe in. We love the gospel. The strife to live gospel principles and commandments brings us closer together.
I love learning about where my relationship is at, the strengths and areas of improvement. Josh is a great husband and I am very happy he is very supportive of my weird and strange marriage techniques. I think, now this is my own opinion, that evaluating our relationship on a consistent basis gives us couples the opportunity to address problems and concerns that have or are arising.

This is a fun exercise we did today and I thought I would post it for you folks.

Relationship Self Test

Relationship Happiness
Instructions: Fill out every item below, telling us the extent to which AT THIS TIME you agree or disagree with each statement. Circle the choice that reflects how you feel RIGHT NOW.

 True or False Answers
Right now how do you feel?
1) I feel emotionally close to my partner T/F
2) I think my partner really cares about me T/F
3) I feel confident that we can deal with whatever issues that might arise. T/F
4) I would consider myself happy in this relationship. T/F
5. I feel respected by my partner. T/F
6. I am committed to staying in this relationship. T/F
7. I have a great deal of respect and admiration for my partner. T/F
8. I find my partner very interesting. T/F
9. I feel that my partner finds me physically attractive.T/F
10. If I ever needed help I could count on my partner. T/F
11. My partner really tries hard to meet my needs.T/F
12. My partner really listens to me. T/F
13. I am satisfied with our sex life. T/F
14. I am confident we can handle any conflict that may arise between us. T/F
15. My partner shows pride in my accomplishments. T/F
16. I feel appreciated for what I contribute to this relationship. T/F
17. I really feel loved in this relationship. T/F
18. My partner really knows me well. T/F
19. My partner is one of my best friends. T/F
20. My partner loves my sense of humour. T/F

Read each statement and place a circle the most appropriate response for you right now.

1. Our discussions get too heated. T/F
2. I have a hard time calming down. T/F
3. One of us is probably going to say something we will regret. T/F
4. I think to myself, "Why can't we talk more logically?". T/F

Scoring the Relationship Tests
Relationship Happiness: Add up the number of items for which you answered "True". Multiply this number by 5. If your score and your partner's score is above 80, that would suggest you are reasonably happy in your relationship. You might enjoy enhancing the strengths in your relationship. Otherwise, there may need for some minor improvement in your relationship.

Flooding: Add up the number of items for which you answered "True". Multiply this number by 20. If your score or your partner's score is above 40, you have a problem dealing with conflict and self-soothing during conflict. There is need for improvement in the area of conflict.

(Adapted from Gottman, L. & Gottman, J., 2009)

Source: Novic, N. (2010). Relationship Self Test. Regina, Sk: University of Regina.

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